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Hate getting random messages over AIM? Despise those that pop up and say, "A/S/L?" before even asking if you're interested in exchanging witticisms? So do I. That is why, to answer these people, I have adopted the persona of travelling priest and former gunman, Nicholas D. Wolfwood of Trigun fame. After getting a randomly initiated messaged last night, Father Nicholas is visited by the genius that is LouFuszgrl03 yet again. The following is a log of what transpired. LouFuszgrl03: hey Wolfwood: Howdy LouFuszgrl03: wuts up Wolfwood: Not much LouFuszgrl03: do u have a girlfriend Wolfwood: Not at the moment LouFuszgrl03: how old are u LouFuszgrl03: this is maria's friend Wolfwood: Do I know a Maria? LouFuszgrl03: no LouFuszgrl03: do u Wolfwood: Don't remember LouFuszgrl03: how old are u Wolfwood: 27 LouFuszgrl03: wow Wolfwood: So surprised? LouFuszgrl03: ya LouFuszgrl03: where did u go 2 collage Wolfwood: Went to a seminary LouFuszgrl03: wuts that Wolfwood: I'm a priest. LouFuszgrl03: are u really Wolfwood: Yep LouFuszgrl03: wuts ur last name LouFuszgrl03: ?�? Wolfwood: Why so interested? LouFuszgrl03: jw Wolfwood: Come again? LouFuszgrl03: jus wonderin Wolfwood: ahh LouFuszgrl03: i hav sum ?'s 4 u Wolfwood: Go right ahead. LouFuszgrl03: wut's ur last nam,e LouFuszgrl03: name** LouFuszgrl03: where do u live LouFuszgrl03: wut state do u live in LouFuszgrl03: ? LouFuszgrl03: hewwo Wolfwood: To be perfectly honest, I'm not very comfortable giving out my full name. But I'll let you know that I'm in Japan at the moment. LouFuszgrl03: o wow that's so interestin LouFuszgrl03: forgive me fater for i haved sinned Wolfwood: Go with God's forgiveness, my child. LouFuszgrl03: i will gater LouFuszgrl03: i will fater LouFuszgrl03: i will father LouFuszgrl03: i love god!! Wolfwood: God forgives all in His infinite mercy and grace. LouFuszgrl03: awesome LouFuszgrl03: o wow like totally freak me out i mean right on toros sure are number one,, were bitchin great hari the boyz all want 2 stare Wolfwood: I'm sorry? I don't understand. LouFuszgrl03: nvm LouFuszgrl03: nevermind LouFuszgrl03: it's froma movie LouFuszgrl03: bring it on Wolfwood: Ah. LouFuszgrl03: the power of cheese LouFuszgrl03: ok jus jokin (Nicholas enjoys a brief silence.) LouFuszgrl03: mah friends thinks ur hot Wolfwood: That's rather amusing. LouFuszgrl03: i no!! Wolfwood: How old are you and your friends, out of curiosity? LouFuszgrl03: 12 Wolfwood: A little young to be talking to men my age, aren't you? LouFuszgrl03: no mah b/f is 30 Wolfwood: Gracious. (Shortly thereafter, Nicholas is met by one of LouFuszgrl03's little friends.) LiL k 9234: hey Wolfwood: Greetings. LiL k 9234: r u a priest? Wolfwood: That's right. Wolfwood: Word travels fast, I see. LiL k 9234: y Wolfwood: Why not? LiL k 9234: y LiL k 9234: why do u wanna be a priest LiL k 9234: ??? Wolfwood: It's a little late for me not to be one, heh. LiL k 9234: y? Wolfwood: Because I serve God. LiL k 9234: y Wolfwood: Because God is my creator and has forgiven all sins, even mine. LiL k 9234: o LiL k 9234: ok LiL k 9234: where do u live LiL k 9234: ??? LiL k 9234: ???? LiL k 9234: ��������8 Wolfwood: Right now, I live in Japan. LiL k 9234: o LiL k 9234: do u know loufuszgrl03?? Wolfwood: I believe she randomly messaged me. Wolfwood: I seem to be very popular with the children this morning LiL k 9234: wats ur name Wolfwood: Nicholas LiL k 9234: o LiL k 9234: g2g bye Wolfwood: Go with God's blessings, child. LiL k 9234: i will (Again, silence. Sweet, sweet silence.) LouFuszgrl03: i luv u LouFuszgrl03: honey Wolfwood: Why thank you. God loves you, too. LouFuszgrl03: guess wut LouFuszgrl03: i was talkin 2 god 2 day Wolfwood: That's encouraging to hear. God enjoys speaking to His children. LouFuszgrl03: no i mean me and him were like seeing each othat i think it was a miricle Wolfwood: No one can look upon the face of God without being utterly destroyed. That's why He appeared to Moses as a burning bush rather than in His true form. Wolfwood: But if you're concerned about it, it's best to discuss it with someone you feel comfortable with. LouFuszgrl03: o ok LouFuszgrl03: do u think when i need help w/mah religion homework u can help me Wolfwood: I'd be happy to help if you need assistance. LouFuszgrl03: thanks babe (Meanwhile, yet another acquaintance of LouFuszgrl03 decides to visit Nicholas. Nicholas is confused by the sudden surge of interest in his field of expertise. But more confusing to him is the slang used by kids these days...) UserDude720: hey Wolfwood: Hello UserDude720: wat is up my main nigger Wolfwood: Excuse me? UserDude720: i mean wat is up my main cracker Wolfwood: Cracker...I'm not familiar with that term. UserDude720: u no how nigga is a name 4 blaks UserDude720: well craker is a name for white Wolfwood: Ah, a racist term UserDude720: what the hell or u sum kinda buddhist UserDude720: or budhist UserDude720: however they say it Wolfwood: Catholic priest, actually. UserDude720: u gotta be shittin me UserDude720: o well i need to confess my sins Wolfwood: If you like, go right ahead. UserDude720: ok i stole UserDude720: i cussed UserDude720: i ingored UserDude720: i mean UserDude720: injured UserDude720: uuhhhhh ya UserDude720: am i spsot to say th act of contrition UserDude720: dude were u live at UserDude720: like wat state Wolfwood: Japan, currently. UserDude720: O HELL NO Wolfwood: On an exchange tour. Wolfwood: Hai, sou desu. UserDude720: say wat? Wolfwood: I said "Yes, that's right." UserDude720: o dude UserDude720: like what madde u want to become a preist UserDude720: czu u cant fuk no1 can u Wolfwood: I'm sorry, I can't understand that. UserDude720: i sry mah bad UserDude720: why did you want to become a proest becuz you cant fuck any1 UserDude720: priest* UserDude720: hello UserDude720: mr budhist Wolfwood: God's grace and mercy are infinite and He forgives all of their sins... UserDude720: what the fuck you talkin bout Wolfwood: Spiritual development UserDude720: i think god hates me hes screwed me over os many times Wolfwood: God loves everyone...He has forgiven even a man like myself UserDude720: so hold u be mah craker Wolfwood: He is more understanding than anyone I've met so far. After you've committed sins as grievous as I have in the past, people aren't as likely to welcome you. UserDude720: how old r u Wolfwood: 27 UserDude720: damn UserDude720: y would u wanna becom a priest wen u can be out fukin sum grls Wolfwood: Because there is more to life than that. Tell me, how old are you my son? UserDude720: 12 Wolfwood: After as many years as I have lived, you will realize this. UserDude720: well then go fuk men UserDude720: r u wanna thos priest that fuk lil peoples Wolfwood: Certainly not. UserDude720: and u fuked b4 UserDude720: have u UserDude720: czu in a catholic fath no fukin till afat merage UserDude720: cuz* UserDude720: faith* UserDude720: afat* UserDude720: afta* UserDude720: marriage* Wolfwood: I'm rather uncomfortable answering that...especially in such crude terms. Wolfwood: But may God bless you just the same. UserDude720: ok trying to create an infant UserDude720: happy? Wolfwood: Yes, I am, thank you for your concern. UserDude720: ok anytime UserDude720: i have a question Wolfwood: Go ahead UserDude720: when you fucked did u use a rubber Wolfwood: I won't reply to that. UserDude720: ok instead of rubber ill say condom Wolfwood: However, if you have any spiritual or religious questions you'd like me to answer, I'd be more than happy to help. UserDude720: i go to a catholic school and im failin religion UserDude720: haooyy UserDude720: happy* Wolfwood: Are you happy? UserDude720: that im falin religion UserDude720: ???? Wolfwood: In general. UserDude720: sure why not Wolfwood: That's good to hear. Many people are unhappy these days. UserDude720: i got a question UserDude720: if i havent gone to church in two years but still recieve the bread wen we go as a class is that an immortal sin Wolfwood: It is my view that God is quite understanding of our behaviors, no matter how base. If your heart is right with Him, you will be forgiven. UserDude720: but what if when the priest asks when was the last time you went to church adn i said last sumday is that an immortal sin UserDude720: hey can u c my icon Wolfwood: Be honest with him. If you're concerned about the state of your immortal soul, I'd advise you to consult a brother you're comfortable talking to. UserDude720: dude i dunno how a guy can live in a sky so if i went to heaven what if i fell threw the clouds? UserDude720: dude get a cool icon at www.badassbuddy.com UserDude720: am i on yur buddy list? Wolfwood: No UserDude720: well out me on so you can see my icon UserDude720: put* UserDude720: then u can take me off if u want Wolfwood: It's quite all right. UserDude720: what is? UserDude720: my icon ??????? Wolfwood: No, I'm not entirely familiar with how this messenger works. I'm not sure how to remove names once they're on my list UserDude720: well u go to setup then u highlite my s/n then u hit delete UserDude720: can u c my icon Wolfwood: How very quaint. UserDude720: wich means? Wolfwood: It's humorous. UserDude720: do u no wat it is Wolfwood: Yes, I can tell what it is. UserDude720: like it now? Wolfwood: But the devil doesn't necessarily appear with horns and a tail, for future reference. UserDude720: then wat does he look like UserDude720: can u c mah jesus icon Wolfwood: No one can say for sure. UserDude720: well i got mah splinter cell icon bak UserDude720: do u like games? UserDude720: like computer games? UserDude720: cuz if u do go to UserDude720: and it aint nutin against catholic religion UserDude720: but the website i UserDude720: s UserDude720: www.mostannoyinwebpage.com UserDude720: woops UserDude720: no it aint UserDude720: its (Nicholas gets a page on his beeper. Yep, it's the Man Upstairs. He takes a short break from the computer to do God's will and returns only to find...) UserDude720: can God do anything? Wolfwood: Anything in what sense? UserDude720: well can he do anyhting he wants? Wolfwood: Anything in accordance with His will UserDude720: well could he make a baritto so hot he could not eat it Wolfwood: I suppose, but there is no evidence of God needing food, so it's unlikely. UserDude720: but if he can do anything he can make 1 so hot he cant eat it UserDude720: but since he can do anyhting he can eat it UserDude720: so can or cannot he eat it Wolfwood: I suppose only He would know. UserDude720: dude wat u been smokin Wolfwood: Nothing. I quit smoking recently, thanks. UserDude720: no i mean weed,marijauna,crack, Wolfwood: I have never participated in drug use. And neither shoud you. UserDude720: do UserDude720: dude* UserDude720: i sell it Wolfwood: At age 12? UserDude720: o ya UserDude720: i bye stuff wit da monry for my baby UserDude720: money* Wolfwood: Drugs are not something you shoud be trafficking, especially at such a young age when you have the rest of your life ahead of you. UserDude720: hey UserDude720: i dont smoke it Wolfwood: Prison is not a place you'd like to visit. Wolfwood: Or stay in, for that matter. UserDude720: i sell it UserDude720: r u warnin me Wolfwood: Well, since God allowed me to share in the experience I have, I'd like to put it to good use and help others avoid the path I've taken. UserDude720: u smoked datstuff Wolfwood: No, I did not use drugs. UserDude720: no i ean warn me were the lightin bolt is were it says warn did u hit dat UserDude720: mean* Wolfwood: I don't believe I did. UserDude720: so what the hell is the eucharist UserDude720: and why dont you cuz UserDude720: cus* UserDude720: u dont say fck UserDude720: fuck* UserDude720: or bitch UserDude720: or damn UserDude720: or hermaphedite Wolfwood: "Hermaphrodite" is a physical term. UserDude720: wich is a person wit a dick and pussy Wolfwood: I don't use that sort of foul language because it reflects poorly on God. UserDude720: so what Wolfwood: My purpose is to lead people to follow God. UserDude720: o yur wanna those gays arent you? Wolfwood: I have been known to be happy on occasion. UserDude720: NO UserDude720: not like that Wolfwood: Oh? UserDude720: not like dat i mean gay as in a guy and a guy or lesbian as agirl and a girl UserDude720: like a guy fukin a guy and a girl fukin a girl Wolfwood: Whever did you learn such poor language? UserDude720: school UserDude720: and its in the dictionary Wolfwood: At a Catholic school? UserDude720: ya UserDude720: every1 always cussin and stuff i got suspendid for flippin of a tacher Wolfwood: Why would you want to do that? UserDude720: wait UserDude720: wrong peep UserDude720: she pissd me off UserDude720: yo dude UserDude720: i gotta Wolfwood: Your elders are people you should respect. It doesn't matter if they upset you. UserDude720: they flipped me off 1st UserDude720: BoUnCe UserDude720: i gotta BoUnCe UserDude720: aight UserDude720: ttyl
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